The Little Blue

2011-10-06T23:24:00.001+03:30

I am less alone when I am alone.

2011-08-24T23:25:00.001+04:30

Why do my heart choose the wrong men always? what is wrong with me.

2011-08-22T00:28:00.000+04:30

I am not too sure if its me who asks too much or it is you that gives so little.

2011-08-21T00:22:00.002+04:30

I cant stop thinking of you. I miss you and I am sure that you are missing me too.
I wish you change. I wish the circumstances were different.

2011-07-22T21:44:00.001+04:30

I wrote to you. I even went against my wish and told you that I miss you so much.

2011-07-20T23:26:00.002+04:30

I write here to restrain myself from writing to you. I can’t breathe and struggling with each breath. Feeling lonely, starving for love and deep human compassion.
An ear to listen and a hand to reach for. an arm to hid in. I can’t put all weight of my stress on you but oh God how heavenly it will feel if I actually had a man who were able to hold me and absorb it all. A vibrant soul who vibrant mine.

2011-06-10T22:56:00.002+04:30

when your rebound from a relationship with a married man with a kid is another married man with a kid thats when you realize something is seriously wrong with your life and choices

2011-03-19T21:28:00.000+03:30

You are tall and handsome. I miss your love letters . I miss ring tone of your calls when you were use to call me in the middle of your hectic days. Are you still eager to hear my voice ? Do you think of me or miss me at all ? I know you do. I am sure you do.

2011-03-01T23:33:00.000+03:30

I see you now as you are
A married man.

2011-02-20T20:55:00.001+03:30

I read somewhere that “ realizing an illusion is wiser than knowing the truth “ . I must rewrite it thousand times or more. I knew the truth from the beginning I wanted to live an illusion. Not any more .

2011-02-12T22:37:00.000+03:30

I am obsessed with you and you are possesed by me. I know what I said is true. is what you said the truth?

2010-12-16T00:22:00.002+03:30

I feel, this love was my last try and struggle to be in love. This relationship was last attempt for not being alone. Am I done? dont know.
I guess I will take a long rest and let it be.

2010-09-11T22:05:00.002+04:30

I had passion,laughter, love, Hope. I had happines ; I hadyou. Now,I have none.

2010-08-08T22:03:00.003+04:30

Listening to one of your favorite songs " Heavy Cross" and linger in my thoughts. Mind is not a peaceful place when every thought about us is a magnate that disturb the compass . One cant reach any shore when there is no shore.
What distinguish us of being a face in a crowed by end of the day is being loved and be cared of .
I don’t know much about life . Nevertheless , I figured out that in life never we reach balance. I love you ( for whatever it means).Many times I know why I do , other times I don’t.
Wish you complete all your purpose on the earth. Become a chief, a world traveler or an obstruct photographer.Above them all, wish you love.

2010-07-14T00:37:00.000+04:30

I Love you.

2010-07-11T12:38:00.002+04:30

I tried to pursue the happiness regardless of circumstances. I failed to be happy.

2010-07-07T21:56:00.005+04:30

Just a prayer

Dear God,

Excuse me If I`m not asking "How are you doing ? " I know you are doing great.
I assume...I'm sure, you know that I'm not that great. I have been struggling,you were watching.
I failed too many times ,asked forgiveness too many times, blessed many times and fell down many times.
You know that I have limited time to live. You customized it yourself the day I was born. I cant afford to try and fail for too long. In some point I must find my way to salvation but it seems to me that I failed to do so over and over!!
I am tougher than before but truly, deeply, tremendously tired. Would you please please help me to reach my full capacity of being on earth ?

2010-07-06T20:38:00.000+04:30

I never been good as an adult. Never truly grasb how to be one. All through my adult life until now at age of 37 stil struggeling . Now, for almost the first time Im practicing with each cell in my body to act all grown up. Accept the pain, suck it up,keep moving on and remind myself that there are milions who are dealing with their heartbreak and its just part of life and life is a bitch.
Yes, you go to your long summer vacation and God have better plans for me.

2010-06-24T23:41:00.002+04:30

I look at him and think how he was everthing I wanted almost 4 years ago and how he is not remotly near what I want now.

2010-06-08T00:00:00.000+04:30

Only if I can silent my useless,Pathetic compulsive thinker inside my brain.

2010-04-17T00:34:00.002+04:30

After you didnt answer a simple quastion I asked in email 10 days ago,Today I lost the hope of having any kind of relationship with you,finaly.
I can hear my brain laugh at my heart at this moment when I write "relationship".

2010-04-13T20:57:00.002+04:30

I know you were thinking of me a lot lately. Even I decided to wear a new shoe that I was sure you will love. We didnt meet in last 2 month but I was sure I will bump to you today.Although, I was sure it took me by supprise when you entred elevator and world started to spin around my head.
I know where my heart is, do you?

2009-06-26T21:24:00.002+04:30

Statement by a group of Iranian bloggers about the Presidential elections and the subsequent events

2009-04-17T00:32:00.006+04:30

In last 2 years,talking to you and about you was always bringing the joy to my life. You were the reason of my laughters . Now after the breakup my brain refuse to think about you and my hearta cant obbey. I want to think of all the great memories and moments that we shared and all the places we went but how can I do that without falling down to the miseary of not having that moments in future. I loved you dearly and sure you did and I must accept the fact that you decided to pull back of this relation and I must act mature and resonable and I am doing my best and along the way I am dieing in each secend . I shut down that door which lead to anything related to you. I can not go that path. The pain is unbearable and the wond still to fresh. The only way to scape the pain is not to think of you. but tell me love, tell me sweety , tell me my melody of life; who will ever fill your voy in my soul ? who will ever hug me the way you did or tell me silly joks as you did or calm me down as you did..or...
my heart shattered in in to pieces and I dont know even where to pick up the pieces. Do you see it my love ? do you feel my pain? How could you ? Yesterday , you called to ask how am I doing. I said , fine. All right. I even thanked you for asking.
My dearest I am traveling alone to all the places I wanted to travel with you. Goodbye my Soulmate

2009-04-07T18:55:00.000+04:30

to shutting up my inner dialouge. I keep telling myself " heart break will not kill".

2008-05-25T01:00:00.002+04:30

It is as simple as that:
most of time you go through life without having some one to share your pain or joy with him/her.

2008-02-18T19:04:00.002+03:30

He says : can you even imagin that i be married ! and put all these times and efforts to win you?
I Say : Yes, i totaly can imagin it. i even believe that married men are the ones who created consept of dating !

2008-01-01T22:14:00.000+03:30

its very sad..sad..sad..situation

2007-08-06T23:30:00.001+03:30

I'm holding too tight to me.. I should let "ME" go

2007-07-23T18:10:00.000+03:30

Some days you wish so bad to be that special person who wins 10 million lottery or even 500 dollar lottery . or that special person who wins his heart or that special person who make it out of a terrible plane crash or car crash ..that lucky special person who survive the tsunami …. That person who`s God look upon her… but you simply are not

2007-06-29T01:06:00.000+03:30

You can measure dignity of a person by seeing how much he keeps other people's dignity

2007-06-13T15:02:00.000+03:30

when a woman in relation start to shave in morning instead of shaving at night means the relation is over.

2007-02-04T23:02:00.000+03:30

Go ahead, say it, say that you dont love me any more

2007-01-13T01:02:00.000+03:30

by the way, I like you very much .

2006-12-18T17:50:00.000+03:30

I wish I have been taken more chanses and riskes in my life.

2006-12-16T22:04:00.000+03:30

Even though by ageing I feel bolder and more confident about me but the funny thing is that I still act like teenager when I have a crash on man . it seems that fear factor will never leave me , no matter in what age I am .
Fear of not well received by other person and be taken lightly .
Or it is my logic , telling me that the other person has his life and his favorite things and possibly his favorite girl .
Sometimes , I wish life was more simple romance wise and we were able to say : " I like you " , " I love you " , " I wish you " , " I need you " …with no fear,hesitation or disappointment .
By the way I like YOU very much

2006-06-18T22:12:00.000+03:30

Life brings enough disappointments already , why somebody wants to add soccer to it

2006-06-07T18:47:00.000+03:30

Today I’ve decided to start writing in my English blog again , since writing in English become such a trend these days among Iranian bloggers ,beside I feel guilty for neglecting my English blog for so long.
Its not easy to write while most of my thoughts are coming to me when I’m driving . it must be speed affect .
Strangely I’m thinking and talking to myself in Arabic or English lodes of the time as most of my listening during day is in English or Arabic .
Each time I write in English I hope it will help me to improve my writing skills although it is not achievable in absence of a coach . some one who read me and willing to teach me better ways of writing .
Anyways , here I ....

* I`ll better publish this post ! it has been in my draft for 10 days untill now waiting to be complete and its seems for god know what reason I cant finish it ! !

2005-01-04T18:49:00.000+03:30

Too emotinal to live alone .. Too proved to admit it .

2004-12-21T01:17:00.000+03:30

I will die in my despirt moment

2004-12-18T16:21:00.000+03:30

I dreamed of you last night , I was walking , laughing with a guy , I dont know who was he , I didnt see his face . You where crossing us and looked to me , I felt bad for you since you were walking alone . Then i was in your arms and it felt so right like every time , we both were in peace like it suppose to be. You were telling me how much you missed me and how much the world is a lonely place in my absence and I`ve told you :" you relize that we cant be togethere any more ? the good faith and goof will had gone . we cant go on "
I started to miss you

2004-12-01T23:06:00.000+03:30

IF I show You my dark side
will you still holD me tonighT ?
And if I open my heart to you
and shoW you mY weak siDe
what woul You do ?

2004-11-24T21:39:00.000+03:30

shame on you National Geographic " Arabian Gulf" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??

2004-11-08T15:11:00.000+03:30

Its amazing how people can wish you good and make it sound " I truly and really dont care"

2004-11-04T04:00:00.000+03:30

It is 4.00 A.M and i cant sleep . I went to bed, tried to sleep helplessly. So here i am behind my pc. all sort of images and thoughs dancing around me In a dark room. a narrow light is comming through the door from Hall. randomly this is what going in my head:

Graves.. shrinks .. I shall pay a visit to dead pepol.. I will die.. cacroches..God.. Grave..Grave..Work.. tommorow.. I need to sleep.... U.. U.. i dont love you.. You never existed .. i saw only a goust..Lier.. Birthday.. .. mother... 31... Die..Dead..
I need to sleep.. I must sleep

2004-10-20T13:17:00.000+03:30

I put you on my Favorit will you do the same ?

2004-10-18T01:12:00.000+03:30

Dont f*** me in the name of friendship , just say you need to get laid .
***********
Hey... i still miss you but I can breath . You said you will always think of me , do you ?

2004-09-20T11:57:00.000+04:30

2004-09-01T01:45:00.000+04:30

a very sad sad song is playing in my mind over and over and over... ........

2004-08-25T02:16:00.000+04:30

Im sitting in my room, all alone and keep thinking ..why she had to go ? why

2004-08-23T20:03:00.000+04:30

I shall leave before I fall

2004-08-22T02:46:00.000+04:30

is there some one missing me ?

2004-08-21T03:02:00.000+04:30

Tick tak ..its 1.35 , im still sitting here..Tik tak , its 1.38 now. Tik tak its 1.40 ..Tik tak its 1.44.. i wanted to say something, i cant remeber . good bye

2004-07-31T11:09:00.000+04:30

If i have the chanse to interviwe a celebrity , lets say Brad pit or jula Roberts for instant the first quastion i would like to ask is :" when was the last time you masterbaited "

2004-07-13T23:29:00.000+04:30

Im f-u-c-k-ing tired of being so tired for so long

2004-07-11T19:09:00.000+04:30

I woke up and saw a 31 years old girl in my bed.

2004-07-11T11:37:00.000+04:30

who is this person under my skin ?!?!

2004-07-02T00:54:00.000+04:30

I gana sing a very old song
I use to love singing it in lonelytimes
I gana paint a black, blank portrate
black like my mind..blank like my mind
I gana kill plenty of pepole
I gana live with my anger now and ever

2004-06-16T18:26:00.000+04:30

i wana reach a higger ground

2004-06-14T19:51:00.000+04:30

I guess men are the only creatures on earth ( not to mention univers ! ) who count how many times he and her partner have got orgasm during S-e-x.

2004-06-13T19:59:00.000+04:30

i look up to my soul and its still bleading . As long as i ignore it everything seems ok. Dear darling not seeing you is much way better than seeing you

2004-06-12T19:41:00.000+04:30

I like to have a BMW-X5 but yet like to have M 3coupe .I like to wear high hills shoe Yet like to wear sneaker..i like to put my jeans on yet like to wear skirt. I like to be with a MAN yet like to be with a guy . it is as simple as that.why it become so compelecated ?

2004-06-12T11:34:00.000+04:30

why you keep hang on to me ? cant you see im better off with you ? cant you see im more peacefull without people ?

2004-06-11T14:25:00.000+04:30

its friday noon , i was thinking im ok then why suddenly out of blue i feel this irristable need to cry like a river

2004-06-09T23:11:00.000+04:30

Strange how You can play with my heart but you cant touch it

2004-06-09T01:36:00.000+04:30

after i couldnt have you i dont care if every other man in planet leave me .

2004-06-07T12:16:00.000+04:30

how come i never been in a tree house!! and how come i never had a 185-190 hight B.F !

2004-06-05T18:43:00.000+04:30

what a bless to die today

2004-06-03T21:58:00.000+04:30

i wanted to say,i wish i was a bird but since this is impossible i will be more logic and wish i had a home , however it seems as impossible as first wish.

2004-06-03T14:45:00.000+04:30

you are a fat pick with no brain ,thats how i see you.I hope see Your self clear when u look at my eyes.

2004-05-31T23:59:00.000+04:30

She said Goodbye too many times before

I love this song " This love" i LOVE the clip even more.
you say u love me,you say u ready to stay untill the end ,ready to commit ur self to me. You say Youll wait untill I`ll be in same place you are and feel the same you feel.You say what ever i say. You say you love me with every cell of your body and soul. You say you love me.. Wait a secend,no wait a hour or weekes even years i want to say something too..hmmm i dont know what i wana say.

2004-05-28T13:31:00.000+04:30

all stories where ending as : " and they lived happyly ever after " it use to be a good fairytell but it didnt take me long to find out its a big lie as santa clause

2004-05-27T18:48:00.000+04:30

Scarlet was such in rush to get married each time that she never wait long enough to give the chance to "Ret" to ask her for marrage.
what is my point...hmmmmmm..i dont know .. its just came to me while i was in nap !

2004-05-24T23:32:00.000+04:30

something new , something old, something borrow , something blue

2004-05-23T14:34:00.000+04:30

I will shift my dream from you to a sport car at least it have airbags when i hit the wall

2004-05-22T18:04:00.000+04:30

Cut like a knife

i know i shall let you go . holding the thoughts of you is like holding a knife with my hurt.

2004-05-20T12:23:00.000+04:30

Less than a woman

what break me to pieces sometimes is the thought of : “ What was wrong with me ?” why never it went right between me and guys I liked or loved . I use to be such a nice , loyal, lovely girl , am not anymore though . Even good looking one in a certain point . I liked and loved them sincerely and tried to be there for them when they needed me . what was wrong with me then ? some times i feel less than a woman because no men ever committed him self to me. should i feel ashamed to say so ? I cant ! i cant be ashamed of that , cuz i look at my self in the mirror and i like what i see . Is there a certain game to trap a man to a commitment ? or i was not good enough to be committed to ?! guys approach me like me love me and keep on approaching and like me and love me more and they like me until the end but they leave with no commitment . is it me who cant keep holding a man? is it me who cant make a man wants to share all his life with her ? oh god , how much i feel less than a woman today.

2004-05-19T15:37:00.000+04:30

That girl was frequently in love

darling let us agree in something .. ok ? im the center of the world not you. and you are center of my world .it will not workd other ways. at least not for me !
one more thing.. please play hard to get game with me i dont like men who are handy !

2004-05-17T00:04:00.000+04:30

oh father father.. there is to much crying..oh brother brother there is to many of u dieing

2004-05-15T23:21:00.000+04:30

i gana make you scream my name then i gana leave you..leave you..leave you..

2004-05-11T22:35:00.000+04:30

the best line i read this week : Dead or alive, I will survive ...

2004-05-08T17:24:00.000+04:30

I use to have my depression before my period. now I have it before and after and all along the month

2004-05-05T12:12:00.000+04:30

Faces faces..faces... memories.. memories.. memories... . i gana rip them all..If needed i gana rip myself.. I shall do. I should.. I have to.. I will.. i need to

2004-05-03T11:42:00.000+04:30

i don’t remember when was exactly that i started to be afraid of people

2004-05-01T21:29:00.000+04:30

i dont know where i heard this line but its spining in my head: " i shall not live in hell once again after my death since i lived it here in this life once "

2004-04-28T18:38:00.000+04:30

some girls live thier sex life wide open untill they reach thier 30s afterward they start searching for husband ! some other girls search for husband untill they reach thier 30s then they give up and start to live thier sex life wide open .

2004-04-26T21:56:00.000+04:30

some fuck to remeber..some fuck to forget. i only fuck myself to satisfy others

2004-04-24T19:02:00.000+04:30

once upon a time there was a lovely girl , we use to play and chat every day .She passed away so young & i never had the chance to know her well. she gave me her body i don’t know to whom she gave her soul. her name was "me"

2004-04-22T00:56:00.000+04:30

i wana get high

2004-04-21T20:44:00.000+04:30

I guess my only regret is that i didn’t say " FUCK u ..go to hell" when i broke up ! why im such a sweet girl !!

2004-04-20T17:37:00.000+04:30

Swear God that couldn’t be life. swear God it couldn’t. one of low things of growing up is that u cant blame anybody for the shit u r in . im angry to extend which i can chop myself to pieces and fead homeless dogs with it . Nothing will change by nagging but im freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee here to scream as much as i want , isn’t this my online dairy book ?
Oh God I wish I was still a child and can cry in my mom’s lap what a pity that I have to be a woman !! a lady !!! what a pity that I cant have a shelter or shoulder to cry on . what a pity that I have to live !!

what was my point ? nothingggggggggggg..i have no point ! cant u ppl c? i dont have a point .

2004-04-14T23:01:00.000+04:30

a scene of " where ever but here "

Telphone rings.. a teenage girl answer the phone
Girl- Yes ?
Boy- I want to kiss you
Girl- Whats for ?
Boy- I dont know
Girl- Well, u can Figure a better reason for that .

TAK.. she hang up

Ring ring again....
Girl-WHAT ?
Boy- i wnt to eat your lips and squess ur breast and hold them tight , i want to kiss ur body
Girl - Come over then.

ME <-- rolling in floor out of laugh !

2004-04-13T01:26:00.000+04:30

i still drive with my pink high hill shoes

2004-04-10T11:17:00.001+04:30

Im a Big Big Girl

You know what shall you do when you have so much work to do at your office ?? yes you speed to your work at 8.00 A.M and sit behind your desk and first thing you do is to start to sign in for your NEW English Blog !! hahaha
work is always there and for now it can wait , espically that i cant find a formal letter that my boss asked for it since last thursday !
writing in english is something i wanted to do since long time ago . Today while i was driving to get to my office so many english thoughts was going through my head and i felt like i got to take them off to be able to countinue my day . i dont know about you guys but for me the strange thing is that lots of times my thoughts are not in farsi, they came to me in english and arabic as well ! even sometimes the english thoughts is more often than farsi .
ofcours my english is poor and i cant think or write in sufisticated way beside im so concern about very well educated visitors who have good knowladge in english like Ali , Emad ,Xima , S & others that might read this blog .but plz plz try not to make fun of my spelling and gramatic mistakes . your help and correction is always most welcom :) Well i guess this was the introudtion .

*************************
in my farsi blog I hesitant to speak to much ,beside im too picky not to write to many love posts or poems or get to private , but here i feel more freedom already !
last night i cryied over losing him AGAIN ! I miss him dreadfully .this happens after each time I speak to him.I know that i have to forget him ,as our lives are not going in same direction and will never be ( he getting marry in couple of month ).what I can think of it right now is his last words when he said : " damn you , you came back but too late , damn you, damn u " .He is right . I cant understand & figure out if God is playing with his life and mine or ourselves created this mess or it is faith or what .At last when i go back to my sence and surrend that no matter what or who is playing out the situation the result is same ;" I can not have him " . I cant blame anybody but me for what i missed . yeah yeah...I know we appricate things when we lose them,when we cant have them,but knowing this do not consol me or ease the pain? I am totally Julia Roberts in " My best friend wedding " although i dont enter the competiton to win him back becuase i saw end of that movie and I am certain that know for me when it comes to that cridical moment on the boat and final dance( i refer to the movie ) I cant say :" please take me , i love you " . He is better off without me anyway.
me- r u ok ?
he- i dont know, im losing wieght , my health is on edge
me- do u feel happiness ?
( after long silence )
he- I dont know, things and situations are not as i wish .